Have you ever met someone that truly knows you? I mean someone that thinks your thoughts, sees your secrets? Someone who touches a place inside you that you never knew existed? Everything you feel, they feel it too? You can get so close that you both disappear, and there is no more “you.” There’s no more “them.” There is only “us.” And one day you realize.. They’re living in your skin uninvited. Now, what if that person hates you?
You can accomplish more than you know, not by the strength of others, but by the power of your own strength. Although the world may appear to be in a grey area, the life you create will paint the entire sky.
Be proud of your power. Use it.
Be powerful in the mind, the body, and the soul.
Know and retain awareness of your true divine identity while living in the very convincing appearance of divisible form. So long as you are embodied, you must live and act within this apparent duality. If you retain the awareness of who you really are, there is nothing in this dark pond that can touch or affect you. The truth is that even this ocean of darkness is our own production, and when the truth is known, one learns how to live as a pure and beautiful lotus- even while living in this murky pond.
Our love is forever endless,
Since the day we knew we’d click.
Seconds, minutes, hours go by..
We don’t notice the ticks.
From backyard talks to bedroom locks,
Our love continues rising.
The sun goes up, the moon comes out,
The time is so surprising.
The clock on the wall, forever going,
Our love continues growing.
Speed up time, forever mine,
Our love is always flowing.
We count the seconds, minutes, hours..
It never fails to end.
Our love continues, we blossom more,
Our road will sometimes bend.
With this time, we know no finish,
We only know beginnings.
Endless time, forever mine,
Our love is always winning.
January 11, 2017
I’ve read somewhere that people with anxiety are assholes.
I’ve suffered with anxiety for years. All those years, I felt like it was fake because I diagnosed myself. It wasn’t until meeting a counselor for the first time at 18 years old that I realized I’ve lived with anxiety for half of my living life at that point. When my counselor told me I had PTSD, I almost felt shocked to hear the news. First I have anxiety, then I have to deal with all the stages of grief, then I have to try to find a way to not react to a trigger that has been my very own trigger FOR HALF OF MY LIVING LIFE!
Even though people don’t know who I am, or what I have gone through, or what I am currently dealing with, I feel as though it is written all over my face. When I see faces, strangers or not, I can’t help but to seem bashful, or rather uninterested. I don’t know how to make conversation. What am I supposed to talk about? How absolutely freaking lost I am in this world? How I don’t understand who I am or what I am meant to do with my life? I hate being asked how I am doing, or what I plan on doing with my life, or literally anything that has to do with me or with life. I TRULY DON’T FREAKING KNOW! I don’t mean to be an asshole. I don’t even realize that I am being an asshole. I don’t really know how to be with people. It has been 2 years since my last meeting with my counselor and I haven’t even accomplished passing the first stage of grief! How the hell am I supposed to be expected to be INTERESTED and OUTGOING and JUST THE MOST FUN, AMAZING, ENERGETIC person you know?! I don’t know..
What the hell do I even know?
You are an emotional wreck. It isn’t a dream. By now, you’ve survived the longest, most embarrassing, and most traumatic part of your first 20 years of life. You’ve been standing strong since you were 9 years old. In the next four years of your life, you’ll learn that it gets better. Then worse. Then better. Then worse. It is a never-ending cycle. You are thinking that physical abuse is a million times worse than emotional abuse. It isn’t. You’ll learn that they have the same exact effect in your mental state. The person you fear the most will become scarier, but don’t worry, he will remain further than ever. You will think you’ve fallen in love, but don’t be fooled. These men will only teach you about emotional abuse. Although they won’t be physical with you, they know just how to get to your brain.. and your heart. It will hurt deeply, but you will get through it. Sometimes you will want to break down and that is perfectly fine. Don’t worry, nobody is watching. Nobody cares to know that you’ve cried yourself to sleep. Nobody sees the pain you wear every single day. Don’t be ashamed of being hurt. Embrace it. You wake up every single day with a broken heart and you walk around with nightmares on your mind. It is okay. It will get better, like I said. It may get worse, but it will get better again. You’ll continue this cycle until you decide you are done. Your never-ending cycle of pain and heartache will end when you decide it will end. Always remember, wherever your life takes you is wherever you decide to go. – “Wherever you go, there you are.”
Your 20-Year-Old Self
Free-writing. Journal Entry Topic: Write a poem about endings.
Now sleeps the stars, the light of the sky
Vanish do the crickets from the ear and the sight
Absent is the silence by the breeze of the trees
Abandoned are the sheep that the sleeper frees
Asleep goes the moon tucked in light of the sky
A goodnight kiss from the sun’s “goodbye”
Unseen are the owls- unheard are their hoots
Now sleeps the night that makes the whole world mute
Sunrise eats the night’s darkness whole
Rejuvenated becomes the morning soul
A new day approaches the mind of the sleeper
The bird’s song defines the morning’s peacekeeper
The sun polishes the sky as life’s natural light
Clear are the clouds from the mountaintop height
The sleeper wakes up as he knows he’ll be tending
to a new day that started by the root of his ending.