Consistency

You hurt deep inside

You’re uncomfortable

But the hurting fades

Soon you are comfortable

You hurt again, but you learn to numb the pain

It must be love

It must be real

Because you are used to it

 

Adrianne Jayde
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Douglas Fir

Free-writing. Journal Entry Topic: Write a love poem to your hometown.

Your cold breath on my skin

Say “goodbye” again

Eternal beauty all around

I feel your touch within

Miles separate your body from mine

I’ll be back for you

I’ll never leave your touch again

Our love sits on the timberline

Rainy day- my heart aches for you

I’ll never leave your touch again

Sunshine shows- heartache stops

In memory is your view

Many places my heart has been

I’ll be seeing you

My soul sits in your body

Forever, my beautiful Oregon

Adrianne Jayde
April 23, 2017

“Timeless”

Our love is forever endless,

Since the day we knew we’d click.

Seconds, minutes, hours go by..

We don’t notice the ticks.

From backyard talks to bedroom locks,

Our love continues rising.

The sun goes up, the moon comes out,

The time is so surprising.

The clock on the wall, forever going,

Our love continues growing.

Speed up time, forever mine,

Our love is always flowing.

We count the seconds, minutes, hours..

It never fails to end.

Our love continues, we blossom more,

Our road will sometimes bend.

With this time, we know no finish,

We only know beginnings.

Endless time, forever mine,

Our love is always winning.

Adrianne Jayde
January 11, 2017

My Dearest 16-Year-Old Self,

You are an emotional wreck. It isn’t a dream. By now, you’ve survived the longest, most embarrassing, and most traumatic part of your first 20 years of life. You’ve been standing strong since you were 9 years old. In the next four years of your life, you’ll learn that it gets better. Then worse. Then better. Then worse. It is a never-ending cycle. You are thinking that physical abuse is a million times worse than emotional abuse. It isn’t. You’ll learn that they have the same exact effect in your mental state. The person you fear the most will become scarier, but don’t worry, he will remain further than ever. You will think you’ve fallen in love, but don’t be fooled. These men will only teach you about emotional abuse. Although they won’t be physical with you, they know just how to get to your brain.. and your heart. It will hurt deeply, but you will get through it. Sometimes you will want to break down and that is perfectly fine. Don’t worry, nobody is watching. Nobody cares to know that you’ve cried yourself to sleep. Nobody sees the pain you wear every single day. Don’t be ashamed of being hurt. Embrace it. You wake up every single day with a broken heart and you walk around with nightmares on your mind. It is okay. It will get better, like I said. It may get worse, but it will get better again. You’ll continue this cycle until you decide you are done. Your never-ending cycle of pain and heartache will end when you decide it will end. Always remember, wherever your life takes you is wherever you decide to go. – “Wherever you go, there you are.”

 

Yours truly,

Your 20-Year-Old Self

Fearing the Ocean

When we first met, you knew I viewed the ocean as such a vast and frightful thing. I’d look into it and feel chills down my spine. The thought of endless life among me was terrifying. It didn’t take a long time for that perspective to deteriorate. When my thoughts linger to the possibility of endless life the only chills I find are when I look to you. The chills I feel are chills I’d take to my grave. I’d rather be six feet under the ocean blue, than to look at you in an ending life. I thought I was starting into life with deep blue in my eyes, but I glanced at you and life was still in sight. It amazes me how I feel this way after such a short amount of time, but it doesn’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine.

Adrianne Jayde
February 23, 2016

Loving You

When our fire started to die, I thought I would too.. But you’ve built me up to bring me down, and in leaving me, you forced me to my limits that nobody else could have done. You allowed me to finally love myself and to stop draining useless love into you, and as a result..

You allowed me to embark on a journey alone..

You unknowingly taught me how to love harder than I did before.

Adrianne Jayde
December 6, 2015

January 23, 2016

It’s really such a beautiful thing to watch somebody do something that they love. The beauty in it is that they have no idea that the way they are feeling in the moment of doing what they love is the same exact feeling you have while watching them. Watching somebody do what they are passionate about makes the essence of life so much more important. It causes you to fall in love.. Not the kind of love to be passionate about what they are passionate about, but the kind of love to be passionate about them. You start to fall in love with the way they look so comfortable and focused. You start to feel the emotion they feel. You start to fall deeply in love with who they are because they are capable of loving their passion, and you..

Adrianne Jayde