Unhealthy Relationships: The Collection

IN THE WORKS

“The Fair”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: She wouldn’t respect my emotions and was emotionally abusive at times.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: Yes, I was thinking more so that my gut instincts were wrong. And love was something to work for.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: It made me want to harm anyone who I felt like was hitting on her. [There was] jealousy because she likes attention.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: Your own happiness and growth is important and should be prioritized first. And if someone doesn’t care about you, let them go.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: If you both want it to work then you really have to understand each other and take the time to figure out if the relationship is fixable or if it’s better to go your separate ways. And if it’s meant to work out it will work itself out with effort.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: The relationship had two lifetimes. We talked in high school for like 10 months, then in college for 1 year and a half.


“Curbside Violet”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: I didn’t realize the first signs until everyday I would wake up and ask myself, “what could possibly happen today, what’s the first fight going to be about? What am I going to do wrong?” I didn’t think anything of it at first until I started getting anxiety and getting worried about why we weren’t arguing or fighting about something pointless. It just became a habit.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: I didn’t think about myself overthinking during the whole relationship. I would wonder what’s going to go wrong next, because it all happened so quickly. And I used work as a distraction. I got myself working 55-60 hours a week to avoid being home and dealing with it since we lived together. Now it’s affecting me a lot and my current relationships. I realized how much I let go over my head and I’m trying to do the opposite which could be considered as as unhealthy habit developing.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: The relationship didn’t make me feel like I was harming myself at the moment, it all felt difficult but that’s what I always imagined a relationship being like so I didn’t look or think about anything past that. Now that I am out of it, I feel very damaged; I’m still trying to fix my emotions and insecurities over it.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: I learned that no matter what at the end of the day, you need to make yourself happy and worry about yourself. No one is ever worth sacrificing your freedom for, and if they are then it shouldn’t feel any different. I learned to never rush into it and take your time because you never really know someone so be aware enough of what they might be like if you’re around them 24/7. I learned to surround yourself [with] people who you want to be like and not what you look down upon. Most importantly, look at someone’s parents with a little more attention because often times they reflect who you’re seeing. If you’re dating someone whose parents and siblings are drug addicts, you’re probably dating a drug addict.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A:  It’s hard to think about yourself first in an unhealthy/abusive relationship, but at the end of the day you come first. You can’t always fix someone, but you can fix yourself after they broke you.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: It lasted 8 months. We lived with each other because I was pressured into moving in and was forced into building a home.


“Rural King”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: He started to grab my arms when he would get mad. At first I didn’t think much of it and then it started leaving bruises and he would yell in my face. He would also text me and if I didn’t answer in like 3-5 mins he would call me a million times and drive by the school to make sure I wasn’t lying about being at cheer or soccer practice.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: All the time. He was my first everything and my family loved him. He was a totally different person around them.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: No. Never.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: I learned that I don’t deserve to be treated that way, no one does. And that just because he was my first love, didn’t mean he was going to be my last. I can also read men a lot better.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: Trying to salvage something with someone who doesn’t care enough to treat you right will never be worth it. “I love you” doesn’t mean anything if they don’t prove it.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: 6.5 years.


“Scenic Drive”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: The constant arguing. It turned sour so quick. Partly my fault for the fights, but I just got so frustrated.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: I didn’t realize it was unhealthy until a couple of days ago to be completely honest. I was so caught up in trying to fix things that I didn’t realize it was so toxic. I didn’t see what it was doing to me; what it did to me.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: I never really had thoughts like that during the relationship. It was more after. I was devastated and tired of feeling broken, but I snapped out of that shit so quick.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: You can’t force things that life is suppose to nurture. You can’t force maturity, you can’t force someone to make you a priority, and you can’t force someone to change things that they’ve been doing for years. All of that has to come from them, with their willingness. And I guess that you shouldn’t lose yourself completely in someone because once they’re gone it’s so much harder to pick up the pieces also that it’s okay to put yourself before other people sometimes.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: I believe in soulmates or at least I used to. I guess I can say I believe in love now because I see it all around me. So it would be if you really love the person try to make it work. Don’t half ass it but don’t keep watering a plant that’s dead, for the sake of your own sanity and for the sake of your best interests. Because feeling broken is the worst. Realize when it’s time to let go.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: It lasted 6 months. It would’ve lasted longer but I was never met halfway for fixing things.


“Burger King”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: The way he would verbally abuse me, make any excuse to get into an argument, make any excuse to get into an argument, my family being distant because of him, and the girl list goes on.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: Always, which is why I stayed in the relationship. I always felt like it was myself who did something wrong so that’s why I always oversaw everything.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: No.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: To not blame myself for others’ actions, to always listen to your gut instincts, and if your own family/friends see what we’re blinded to see because of this thing called ‘love’ to always take it into consideration because I hate to admit it but my parents/grandparents warned me.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: Honestly I feel like no matter what advice you give somebody who is in an unhealthy relationship, they won’t listen until they’re ready to open their eyes and are fed up with their situation. I’m saying this because I myself was like that and because I’ve tried giving advice to friends and I see myself innocently blinded and doubting that they may be right.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: 6 years.


“Bremerton”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: Gas lighting and manipulation.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: No.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: I learned that if they think you’re cheating on them, they’re the ones who really are doing the cheating. I learned that playing victim is part of their manipulation to make you feel like you’re the bad person. In all ways possible, they feed off of the power they have over you.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: Know your worth.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: 1 year.


“Ghost”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: You feel alone and you only have that person to lift you up. You don’t want to talk to your friends or family. You change the aspect of what your ideal relationship is to fit your current situation. You start making excuses to justify everything they’re doing. They just make it very clear they have your back like no one else. They want to be a part of evrything your doing. They want constant contact all the time.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: No. There is fine line between right and wrong. There was a time of denial, but the whole time I knew it wasn’t right.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: Self-harm was a thought but it didn’t match who I was. Harming others was never a thought of mine.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: Self-worth. Self-love. And the confidence to understand what I have to offer and being real with what I deserve in a partner. It gave me an idea of things I want in a person that I will not take anything less.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: Ask yourself, “do you see them changing into the person you would want to marry? Would you want your kids looking at this person thinking that is what ‘love’ looks like?” Love yourself enough to know you are good enough. Love yourself enough to know when to call it quits. Learn what self-worth means.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: 2 years.


“There’s Your Trouble”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: I ignored the signs because I loved him and didn’t want to lose him but once my best friend sat me down and laid it on me, looking back the signs were physical and verbal abuse and cheating.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: Yes, I fully convinced myself that it was normal and that I just needed to be a better girlfriend.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: No.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: That I am a better person than he made me feel. I deserve someone who is going to go all the way for me as I do for them. I should never let someone make me hate myself.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: Leave. Don’t hurt yourself even more by staying and trying to change them because they won’t change. Know that you are worth more than than they make you believe. Tell someone you’re close with, don’t be scared or embarrassed. It happens, so get someone to help you through leaving. Don’t be afraid to start all over because in the end it’s worth it, when you finally find that person who worships the ground you walk on.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: 1 year.


“Corn Dogs”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: Aggression. He started to get mad about everything I did. He would ignore me every time I talked and then he started to make fun of me for all my insecurities I talked to him about.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: Yeah I thought I wasn’t doing things right. I would make myself think this was normal.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: Yes. Still, to this day I have a hard time dealing with self-harm.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: Follow your instincts. Listen to the people who love you and never let anyone talk or treat you in anyway that makes you feel less of yourself. Stand up, have a voice.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: Talk about it, don’t keep it bottled up. Discuss it with them and if you need to talk to other people. If need be, you are your own person and you can leave no matter what they have told you. There is a way, it may be hard but there is a way

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: It lasted for about 10 months.


“How Will I Know?”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: The lack of trust that came out of nowhere it seemed and then the lack of communication. Also when you seem to be putting in everything you had to maintain the relationship, but they seemed to focus on everything else wrong, as if it didn’t matter to them. So it was like I was giving 100% to their maybe 10%.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: All the time. Like maybe it was me that was overthinking the problems or the cause of the unhealthy relationship and that sucks.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: I was an angry person every day. Unless we did something and was good, I’d lash out at others just because I was pissed at her.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: Just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s good for you. It really gets unhealthy for the person putting in all the effort and you always have to remember that if you try to make sure you are good enough for someone all the time you’ll forget to make sure that they’re good enough for you too.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: Never settle but never miss out on an opportunity just because of your past. You never know who you just missed out on.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: 2.5 years.


“Olive Garden”

Q: What were the signs in the relationship that made you realize it became unhealthy?

A: There was too much controlling; I couldn’t even hang out with my friends. I couldn’t talk to girls at all or she would get mad. It got to the point where I couldn’t even look in the direction of a girl or I was accused of checking her out.

Q: Did you ever try to convince yourself that you were overthinking that it was unhealthy?

A: Yeah I used to tell myself that it was normal. Maybe I just wasn’t used to it or something.

Q: Did the relationship ever make you feel like harming yourself and/or others?

A: It did a few times but not too often.

Q: What did you learn after leaving that relationship?

A: I learned to let go of things that weren’t making me happy, to move on and make a change in order to achieve happiness with myself.

Q: What advice would you give to someone that is in an unhealthy relationship?

A: If you really want to be with that person, try talking to them to see if things can be changed. If not, then move on. You will relieve a lot of stress and will start being happier.

Q: How long did the relationship last?

A: 4 years.


 

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To My Unborn Child

To My Unborn Child
Free-writing. Journal Entry Topic: Write a letter to someone who is no longer in your life.

I never imagined I’d feel a greater heartbreak than any heartbreak I’ve felt before, until.. you. When I found out that you were growing inside of me, my entire body was repeatedly flushed with emotions. I was terrified, and then nervous, and then excited. I secretly jumped too far into the future and had a whole list of names for you. I never had the chance to find out if you would be Madden Reign’s brother or sister, but I had a name waiting to match your face. I never thought that the day I’d meet you, you wouldn’t be meeting me. The day my eyes met yours, the bathtub did too, and so did all the parts in my body that would adhere to pain. You pushed through like a storm and I was strong enough to withstand it alone. You flushed my mind with emotions. You no longer felt what I felt. We were no longer “one”. That was the longest Sunday I had ever known. I went to see a doctor and we looked for you inside me, although I already knew you weren’t there. The doctor searched and searched and I could no longer watch. I winced at the pain from both my stomach and my heart. I sat for hours on a hospital bed in the middle of an Emergency Room, and I only thought of you. I never felt so alone. Sometimes we hear about things happening to people and we often think that it would never happen to us. I never would’ve thought that I’d lose you. In the world that I live in, you never existed. Losing you was a big part of my life being in turmoil. I almost forgot how to love. I sometimes find myself second guessing my existence. If it weren’t for your brother, I might have lost myself completely, the way I lost you. I don’t know how to bring you up in a conversation, but you are so worth mentioning. You have been the secret that was hardest to keep. You deserve so much more. I want you to know that I often think of you. Although we never had the chance to formally meet, I feel you in my dreams. I try not to blame myself for losing you. Your brother did a lot of damage inside my tummy during his growth and it was not entirely ready for you. I will admit, I am not entirely sure I was ready for you either. For that, I am truly sorry. I often wonder how much you would have grown if our timeline was mutual. Perhaps maybe when we are both ready, you will come again, and we will make it right. Maybe someday we will lock eyes and our hearts will beat in tandem.

Yours truly,

Mommy

P.S. I have a lot more to say, but no words would do my broken heart any justice. Until next time, angel.

How do you survive being in love with someone who disregards your flaws?

Not that he accepts it

He just acts like it isn’t there

He pushes you to do things you are uncomfortable doing

He doesn’t care about your wrists

He wants to see you succeed

So he pushes you

He pushes you to overcome your over-dramatic meltdown before attending a crowd

He pushes you to open up to him even when your heart and throat are both swollen from opening up

He pushes you to speak when you are spoken to even when there is nothing left to say

He pushes you to lock eyes with others because he is comfortable so you should be too

He pushes you to listen better, so his shouts can be heard

He pushes you to be all that you could be, but aren’t

Because he disregards

Your fears

Your heartache

Your shakiness

Your cuts

Your bruises

Your anxiety

Your depression

You

How do you survive?

Eventually

You don’t

Douglas Fir

Douglas Fir
Free-writing. Journal Entry Topic: Write a love poem to your hometown.

Your cold breath on my skin

Say “goodbye” again

Eternal beauty all around

I feel your touch within

Miles separate your body from mine

I’ll be back for you

I’ll never leave your touch again

Our love sits on the timberline

Rainy day- my heart aches for you

I’ll never leave your touch again

Sunshine shows- heartache stops

In memory is your view

Many places my heart has been

I’ll be seeing you

My soul sits in your body

Forever, my beautiful Oregon

Adrianne Jayde
April 23, 2017

Untitled

Have you ever met someone that truly knows you? I mean someone that thinks your thoughts, sees your secrets? Someone who touches a place inside you that you never knew existed? Everything you feel, they feel it too? You can get so close that you both disappear, and there is no more “you.” There’s no more “them.” There is only “us.” And one day you realize.. They’re living in your skin uninvited. Now, what if that person hates you?